fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
