It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize