i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
