Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
