So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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