I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize