im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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