Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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