I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My friends, they love my intelligence
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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