i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
