roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
