they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Small penises have feelings too.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
