i don't like sucking hair
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
