after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize