dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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