I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize