THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
