Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You are the jesus of drinking
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
