Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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