He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
