We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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