It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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