I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
