brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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