At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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