Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
