im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
