Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
