I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
