Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
