ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
