my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Randomize
