Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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