he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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