My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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