Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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