How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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