how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
