The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize