There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
