So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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