Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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