I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
