i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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