Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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