I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
