Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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