We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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