How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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