I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
