Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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