come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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