Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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