got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize