Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
