I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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