Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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