but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize