I bet he comes in French.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
