Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
