Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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