so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you never un-have a 4some
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
