I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
