apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
