I'm going to jail i love you
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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