Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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