My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize