Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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