some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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