yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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