dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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