every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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