Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So many bounce houses so little time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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