I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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