Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
