Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize