Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
my liver is dry heaving
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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