I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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