Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize