her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
