bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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