its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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