so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
