my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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