I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize