your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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