i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
