i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
