She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
