Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
