im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
