Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize